My husband got a bike this week. A shiny red Schwinn cruiser. It’s cute. Not as cute as my fabulous bike, but definitely more retro cool than the mountain-type bikes he’s owned in the past. We are looking forward to riding together, and with Daphne, as soon as we get a bike trailer and toddler helmet.

We have considered riding along the bike trail that runs through the bayou near our neighborhood. I have a few reservations, though. Ok, so I know there are probably alligators and snakes in the bayou. I’m not concerned about those. But, I’m a little concerned about the feral hog packs that supposedly run through those areas. Of course, as I mentioned this to my husband he laughed at me. Pfft. Seriously. What if I’m biking along and come across feral hogs? I would hope they would want nothing to do with me and run away, but my luck I’d get the sick, rabid hog who wants to eat me. And I’ve seen the movies where serial killers target hookers and runaways then feed them to pigs to dispose of the bodies. I had no idea pigs could eat people. I think I need a feral hog attack plan. Hey, we have a zombie attack plan, so really a feral hog attack plan isn’t that silly.